Fight or flight

I run,

I dont want to be the person that runs, i want to be strong, I want to be the best version of myself but I truly don't know what that means, why do I feel so lost? why do I feel like i don't know the right direction, i need to stop leading with fear, i need to stop letting fear control me, i need to just live. Why am i not committed, why do i not know? i get in phases when i feel aligned and phases where i just want to curl up in bed forever, i hate that i have to improve, I wish i already was, at least I'm trying, i really am..trying, I'm just not trying hard enough and a big part of me doesn't want to, i need to shove all this negative energy away and focus on the positives, affirmations, being better, it doesn't matter, there will always be issues, just get used to the chaos, I keep thinking there's a perfect life-ending, it's all chaos but happy chaos, there's joy in the absurd, keep trying to be better for your higher self, whatever road taken is a road taken nothing more nothing less, enjoy life, try to get a life you'd be proud of, the life for yourself, try to let go of fear even though it's scary

if you want life don't cling to it

just experience it, keep doing what you're doing and improving

“A person who thinks all the time has nothing to think about except thoughts. So he loses touch with reality, and lives in a world of illusion.” — Alan Watts

“Waking up to who you are requires letting go of who you imagine yourself to be.” — Alan Watts

good derives it's virtue from evil, just as it is the silent pause that gives sweetness to the chant.

i think my heart is rebelious

lost

i'm lost in thought

lost in the world

I've been more aware of my consciousness lately

self

I've been thinking

realizing that my actions have consequences

thinking about multiplicity

trying to become the best and prosperous version my self

I've been getting so much anxiety from thinking about the future

trying to over-analyze what i can't control

I've been enjoying solitude a lot

i love my space

I've been enjoying just breathing in

loving my surrounding

learning to let go of material things

deen over Dunya

I've been trying to let go of hate or envy

and just enjoy my process

find peace in the absurdity of life

realizing that everybody is living very vivid perspective of life

sonder

trying to defeat my fears

knowing my insecurities

trying to find my passions

i realize now that i wasn't made for one purpose

i'm a multiplicity

i find comfort in the grotesque

i like ugly, i like over-analyzing and smiling at gorry movies

I'm an adventurer

i'm an adventurer finding her way

lost at the moment but not forever

finding a path

a happy way of living

learning from experiences

i know sadness and happiness are both emotions

and i welcome them

lost

but finding my way